thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
