my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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