just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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