I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
high people should be assigned attendants
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
