I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
