Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
