Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
