Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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