I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i think i just lost a toe
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
