You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
