If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
