I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
