I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
