PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
