When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
