remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
