i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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