Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
