she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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