i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
