dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
