Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
