i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
