Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
