WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
