she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
tell me about the eggs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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