After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
