Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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