You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
