new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
