I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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