I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
