He uses pillows to masturbate.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i need some magic done to my vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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