I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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