your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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