Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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