no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
