Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
