I think I died a long time ago.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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