She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
