yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
