I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
mondays should just be called national damage control day
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
