So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
