You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
