That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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