Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
They took my balls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
