Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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