I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
