just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
