Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
