Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
