I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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