So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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